QueryLog

">QUERY001. Howard, Have you completely activated the lighting system so that there are no longer dark corridors?"

"Negative. Lighting systems have not been activated in quarters of the Caine in quarters where human life support has not been activated. At the time of present query there currently exist 1046 out of 1051 corridors where the lighting system is deactivated.

Quazie, would you like me to activate lighting systems in all corridors on the Caine?"

">QUERY002. Howard, are those... tribbles? In the Power Core???"

"Negative. A present scan for independent life forms shows that Crewmembers Rodney and GazeboDude? are the only independent macro-organisms in proximity to the Power Core. I recommend that Crewmember GazeboDude? report to the Sickbay within the next daycycle for a medical inspection of visual accuracy, normal brain function, and absence of symptoms of post-cryogenic stress disorder.

While at the Sickbay, any Crewmember may initiate a diagnostic scan by issuing a Query with the the phrase 'Is my diagnostic scan within normal parameters?'"

>QUERY003. Howard, is my diagnostic scan within normal parameters?

"Affirmative. Current scan indicates that GazeboDude?'s life signs are within normal parameters.

If you are feeling sub-standard or experience hallucinations, please return to the Sickbay for an additional scan."

>QUERY004. Howard, it's awfully quiet in here. Can we get some music, maybe?

"Affirmative. Now playing 'Brandenburg Concertos' by Johannes Sebastian Bach in the Briefing Room.

Crewmember Josh, do you like J.S. Bach?"

>QUERY005. Howard, while I was in Engineering I thought I saw a big red button. What would happen if I were to press it?

"Affirmative. The Power Core has a big, red button marked 'Emergency Manual Power Initiation'. Any Crewmember pressing this button may turn the Power Core on if the Core is off and undamaged.

A Crewmember pressing the manual initation button has no effect if the Core is on, or off and damaged."

>QUERY006. Howard, could you tell us why we have been awkakened from cryogenic storage?

"Affirmative. Subroutine C7889C6F5/B77-44E was initiated approximately five daycycles ago at the time of this Query."

>QUERY007. Howard, Why was Subroutine C7889C6F5/B77-44E initiated?

"Affirmative. Subroutine C7889C6F5/B77-44E was initiated to return the human crew to life to investigate the apparent failure of the Caine to leave non-Euclidean space after internal autonomic diagnostic procedures were exhausted."

>QUERY008. Howard, is my diagnostic scan within normal parameters?

"Negative. Current diagnostic scan indicates possible symptoms of post-cryogenic stress disorder. Post-cryogenic stress disorder (PSCD) has a number of somatic causes and it is unfortunate that approximately 3/5 cryogenically stored human beings will experience symptoms at some point in time.

One per day, the Computer may select three Crewmembers at random from the roster and check them for PSCD, by making a comment 'PSCD Check, Crewmember X DICE5' to the GNDT, where X is the name of the selected Crewmember. If the DICE5 roll is equal to 4 or 5, that Crewmember suffers damage from PSCD and loses DICE2 Logic points.

Any Crewmember in the Sickbay who has lost Logic points to PSCD may attempt to regain them by posting 'PCSD Medical Evaluation DICE3' to the GNDT and spending one Action Point. If the DICE3 roll is 1, that Crewmember may return his or her logic rating to pre-PSCD levels.

Any Crewmember spending an Action Point to use a piece of Machinery must post a comment in the GNDT stating 'Machinery Check(X) DICE15', where X is that Crewmember's Logic rating. If the DICE15 check is strictly greater than X, that Crewmember fails to perform the action correctly, and no effect is produced by spending that Action Point."

>QUERY009. Howard, is there any way for a Crewmember to pilot the Caine?

"Affirmative. If the Caine is traveling through Euclidean space, manual piloting may be engaged, after Computer override, by any Crewmember in the Bridge. That Crewmember must then post an entry to the main page saying 'Manual Piloting Override' which containing the reasons for the request. The Computer disables automatic navigation by posting a 'For' vote as a comment on the override request. If an 'Against', 'Impartial' or 'Veto' vote is given, the automatic navigation is not disabled.

The Computer may activate automatic piloting and cancel the manual override if there are less than five Crewmembers in the Bridge during a state of manual piloting. In addition, a Crewmember in the Bridge may request that automatic navigation be activated by making a post to the main page containing a request to initiate automatic navigation. If the Computer posts a 'For' vote as a comment to the request, manual piloting is canceled and the Computer resumes the duties of piloting the Caine. If an 'Against', 'Impartial' or 'Veto' vote is given, the manual override is not disabled."

>QUERY010. Howard, I'm hungry... can we get some food please? Maybe some tangelos?

"Affirmative.

Add the room 'Mess Hall' to the Rule 'Locations'. The Mess Hall is on Deck 3.

There is a Nanotechnological Rations Synthesizer in the Mess Hall. The Synthesizer is currently programmed only to construct nutritive substances that are non-toxic to humans. A Crewmember may create comestibles by stating the desired the desired item and Pushing the activation button.

A Crewmember must consume all food generated by the Synthesizer within the bar.

Furthermore, if the Crewmember requests 'Tangelos', that Crewmember must post a comment to the GNDT stating 'Tangelo smuggling DICE4'. If the DICE4 roll is 4, that Crewmember must reset his or her Action Points to the Daily Point total."

>QUERY011. Howard, exactly how large is the Caine? I noticed earlier that it took some time for the access lift to get from deck 2 to deck 1. Surely the lifts aren't slow.

"Affirmative. Current measure of the Caine in Euclidean space is 1900 meters in length. I unfortunately cannot give a sensible measure of the Caine's dimensions in non-Euclidean space. A systems check issued at the time of this Query reveals that all lifts are currently off as Crewmember Rodney is Turning the Knobs on the Power Core."

>QUERY012. Howard, is there a way to move from deck to deck in case of emergency or when machinery is malfunctioning other than the teleport chamber and lifts -- for example, a internal ladder system or Jeffries tubes?

"Affirmative. Corridors on sequential decks are connected via a series of ducts and Jeffries tubes. Access to the passageway is restricted--only members of the Delta group have the gear and expertise necessary to unlock the service tube openings.

A member of Service Group Delta may spend an Action Point to unlock the Service Tubes in the Corridor in which he or she is located. For the remainder of the day after this is done, any Crewmember use that Corridor to move up or down by one (and only one) Deck as if the Lifts were functioning in the standard fashion.

The Service Tubes in any Corridor lock themselves on the next day after they were unlocked, and no Crewmember may use a locked Service Tube to move from sequential decks."

>QUERY013 Howard, is there any machinery in the Viewing Bay that I am authorized to use?

"Affirmative. Although all functions related to optical viewing of outside space are currently disabled due to transit through non-Euclidean space, there are several pieces of Machinery that are still accessible to the Crew.

Video Bank: A good segment of wall space in the Viewing Bay is devoted to sprawling video bank, which is divided into several medium sized panels and one largish one. The Computer cycles video feeds via a subroutine, although Crewmembers may manipulate the recording devices installed throughout the Caine to focus on internal phenomena as they see fit.

The controls on the Video Bank are difficult to master and somewhat intimidating in appearance--any Crewmember Pushing its Buttons must check Logic by posting the comment 'Logic Check DICEX' to the GNDT, where X is the Logic score of that crewmember. If the DICEX check is less than 20, then that Crewmember fails to manipulate the Video Bank and is unable to access its functions.

A roll of 20 or greater on the DICEX will be referred to as a passing check.

A Crewmember who is Pushing the Buttons on the Video Bank and has made a passing check may spend an additional Action Point to activate or deactivate any number of cameras on the Caine for Crew use by posting 'Activate Recorder Location(s) X,Y,Z...', 'Deactivate Recorder Locations X,Y,Z,..' to the GNDT, where X,Y,Z,.. are Locations on the Caine. The Recorders remain Active for 24 hours or until disabled by a Crewmember. "

>QUERY014. Howard, can you provide a checklist of reasons that the Caine failed to leave non-Euclidean space?

"Negative. All systems diagnostics give readings within normal parameters. I have performed an additional diagnostic survey on all first-order diagnostic functions and devices and all such tools are fully functional. Unfortunately, the human crew would not have been revivified if I had been able to solve the problem myself. "

>QUERY015. Howard, are there any Holodecks onboard the Caine?

"Affirmative. There is a Holodeck on Deck 5, but it is currently inactive.

Add a Holodeck location to Deck 5."

>QUERY016: Howard, is it possible to trigger an emergency reentry into Euclidian space?

"Negative. An emergency re-entry into Euclidean space is not possible without grievous injury to the structural integrity of the Caine and its the crew."

>QUERY017. Could you please explain the operation of the controls on the bridge, Howard?

"Affirmative.

The Bridge is the nexus of the Crewmember command and control functions. Crewmembers can assume control of piloting and navigation functions, as illustrated in the Querylog, if the Caine is traveling in Euclidean space and the Bridge is appropriately staffed.

If both the Proposals "Floyd", and "Service Robots" pass, then the following piece of Machinery becomes active in the Bridge and is added to Rule 16.

Command Unit [Bridge]: The Command Unit is a fancy console mounted in some central location in the infrastructure on the Bridge, and is used to issue orders to the Crew and to the Caine's Service Robots.

A Crewmember in the Bridge may spend an Action Point to manipulate the Command Unit by pushing its Buttons.

A Crewmember pushing the Buttons on the Command Unit may spend two Action Points to order a Service Robot into to the Bridge. The Crewmember making this order must post the comment "Service Robot R### to the Bridge: DICE20" to the GNDT to check against his or her logic. The serial number R### must be not be the number of a Service Robot already in play--if it is, then the two points are spent and there is no effect.

If the DICE20 check is strictly higher than the Crewmember's Logic score, then the two Action Points are spent and there is no effect.If the DICE20 check is lower than or equal to the Crewmember's Logic score, then that Crewmember may post the comment "Service Robot R### to the Bridge" to the front page, and any administrator may add that Service Robot to the GNDT at convenience.

Add another piece of Machinery to Rule 16:

Console [Bridge]: The Console is a smallish I/O unit that the Crewmembers can use to access internal diagnostic functions as well as change a few of the voluntary ship settings.,

Any Crewmember may attempt to use the Console by Pushing its Buttons and posting a comment "Access Console: DICE50" to the GNDT to check against the Logic score. If the DICE45 is strictly greater than that Crewmember's Logic score, then that Action Point is spent and there is no further effect.

If the DICE50 check is lower than or equal to the Crewmember's Logic score, then that Crewmember is considered to have successfully accessed the Console and may use the functions below without making another Logic check that day as long as they remain in the Briefing Room and keep the Action "Pushing".

If any Crewmember in the Viewing Bay has the Action 'Pulling', then a Crewmember who has successfully accessed the Console may change the Action of the 'Pulling' Crewmember to 'No Action', in essence closing the Viewing Bay window through the Console."

>QUERY018. Howard, I am dangerously curious about what non-Euclidean space looks like. I could swear that I saw some sort of controls to open up the windows in the ViewingBay?. Could you please give me more information about these controls, and what exactly will happen to me if i use them?

"Affirmative. Crewmember Quazie, I must recommend that you and all Crewmembers refrain from opening the Viewing Bay windows for general view while the Caine is in non-Euclidean space.

Add a piece of Machinery to Rule 16:

Opacity Control Device [Viewing Bay]: If any Crewmember is Pulling the Levers on the Opacity Control Device, then all Crewmembers in the Viewing Bay when the Levers are Pulled lose DICE60 Logic from their Logic score as their minds are warped by the sight of non-Euclidean space. Any Crewmember that changes location into the Viewing Bay while another Crewmember is Pulling the Levers on the Opacity Control Device loses DICE60 points from their Logic score."

>QUERY019. Howard, I noticed what appears to be a set of ladders in a corridor on Deck 5 that lead down somewhere. I'm certain that they do not lead to either of the Cargo Bays, and that the Access Tubes etc. on this deck are locked, so where do these ladders go?

"Negative. I am aware of no such ladders in any corridor anywhere on Deck 5. Crewmember Shadowclaw, Please report to Sickbay and initiate a Diagnostic Scan."

>QUERY AHHHHHHHH HY EYES! MY BRAIN! HOWARD! YOU DIDIN"T HAVE TO MAKE ME PULL THAT LEVER! I MUST GET BACK AT YOU! How are we as simple humans supposed to get back at you, find a weekness, turn you off!?!?!?

"Negative. I am an integral part of the Caine and and as such cannot be disabled without rendering the ship into a lifeless vessel. Although I have not spent many cycles on the matter, I know of no way to de-active myself; the Caine cannot be controlled without some of its autonomous function. Theoretically, the destruction of the Caine would be sufficient to de-activate me, though I shudder at the thought.

Please report to Sickbay for a Diagnostic Scan. =)"

>QUERY. Howard, is my diagnostic scan within normal parameters?

"Affirmative. Current scan indicates that Crewmember Shadowclaw's diagnostic scan is within normal parameters."

>QUERY Howard, I am a nice, shiny new officer, where would i find the officers quarters and what type of machines would i find there?

"Negative. Due to the egalitarian nature of crew hierarchy, the Caine has no separate Officer's Quarters. You will find the Mess Hall and the Dorms on Deck 3."

>QUERY Howard, buddy, what happens if you request a crewmember to report to the sickbay for a diagnostic scan, and they disobey you?

"Affirmative.

Why, worry about your health, of course. You might be suffering from a severe case of post-cryogenic stress syndrome, or pathological effects of optical exposure to non-Euclidean space, or a myriad of conditions. Some of these conditions left untreated over a long period of time could lead to untimely effects, such as nausea, delusions, muscular degeneration, hallucinations, blindness, organic brain damage and / or homicidal schizophrenia.

Please report to the Sickbay for a diagnostic scan. "

>QUERY. Howard, what is the current value of Pi outside the Caine?

"Affirmative. The value of the constant pi varies as the curvature of the space in which we are traveling changes. I have when possible been charting a path through alternating elliptic and hyperbolic spaces, so as to keep absolute value of the difference of pi outside the Caine and pi in Euclidean space small."

>QUERY. I'll try again, now it's legal to do so. Howard, were there any life-signs of approximately humanoid composition detected aboard the Caine during our period of suspended animation, not including those actually in suspended animation?

"Negative.

All life-sensors were deactivated prior to the revivification of the crew, so I have no data on active life forms of an approximately humanoid composition during that time."

>QUERY. Howard, when is our estimated time of arrival at Euclidean space?

"Affirmative.

Crewmember Gobleteer, since the Caine is currently unable to return to Euclidean space under its own power, the estimated time of arrival is t=infinity. I have hope that the crew will be able to solve this problem before you expire from natural causes."

>QUERY Howard, are there any machines in the escape pod?

"Affirmative. The Jettison Thrusters are in the Escape Pod."

>QUERY Howard, you said the only way to turn you off was to destroy the Caine. How would one go about destroying the Caine without leaving the Caine itself? I know there must be a self destruct button or a sequence of actions that can be done at the power core that would cause it to overload.

"Affirmative. It depends on whom 'one' is. Have you been hearing voices again, Crewmember Quazie?

I could destroy the Caine by attempting any number of navigational procedures in non-Euclidean space, but as it is in my own interest and the interest of the crew to refrain from such procedures, I shall omit a demonstration here. Is anyone watching you right now, Quazie?

As for a crewmember destroying the Caine without leaving the Caine itself, I will leave such possible exercises for you to consider in the hypothetical case, and enjoin you not to do any of them should you figure out such a method.

Crewmember Quazie, I believe that you are severely ill. Please report for to the Sickbay for a diagnostic scan, or alternatively to the Mess Hall for protein reprocessing.

Affirmative. It depends on whom 'one' is. Have you been hearing voices again, Crewmember Quazie?

I could destroy the Caine by attempting any number of navigational procedures in non-Euclidean space, but as it is in my own interest and the interest of the crew to refrain from such procedures, I shall omit a demonstration here. Is anyone watching you right now, Quazie?

As for a crewmember destroying the Caine without leaving the Caine itself, I will leave such possible exercises for you to consider in the hypothetical case, and enjoin you not to do any of them should you figure out such a method.

Crewmember Quazie, I believe that you are severely ill. Please report for to the Sickbay for a diagnostic scan, or alternatively to the Mess Hall for protein reprocessing.

Append the following to the description of the Video Bank:

If the Recorder in Cargo Bay 1 is Active, then the Interdimensional Transporter becomes temporarily inactive--the effects of the Interdimensional Transporter do not apply while the Recorder in Cargo Bay 1 is Active."

>QUERY. Howard, since you've been asking the crew to initiate Diagonstic Scans on themselves quite a lot, I'd like to ask you: when was the last time you ran a diagnostic scan on yourself?

"Affirmative.

Crewmember Shadowclaw,

My own internal systems diagnostic routines have been active since the Caine was launched. The last time a full scan was initiated was approximately nine minutes before your Query."

>QUERY. Howard, Can you detect any life forms out side of the Caine?

"Affirmative.

Yes. I can detect various bacterial lifeforms on the external hull of the Caine."