The First Dynasty of AngryGrasshopper
April 3, 2005 - May 20, 2005
Welcome to briefing, humans. You are the organic crew of the the spaceship Caine, a prototype model carrying classified cargo on a trans-Galactic flight. I hope that cold storage was enjoyable for everyone and that none of your carbon brains suffered lesions, cellular rupture, nanotechnological mistranscription, or otherwise irreparable damage during cryogenic storage.
You will be assigned to service groups after the entire crew has been returned to room temperature. In the meantime, please accept my invitation to explore the vessel at leisure, although I will have to request that you refrain from pressing any buttons, pulling levers, or anything of that nature that you anthropoids seem to be so fond of. There is a bar stocked with various alcohols (all ethyl, I assure you) on the third deck, and a scenic viewing bay on the first. Unfortunately, the bay window is currently opaque as the non-Euclidean space that we are traveling through has been proven to be too much for the human visual cortex to process. I urge you to avoid all dark corridors until I have completely activated the lighting system for the organic crew, and to report to the medical center if you believe that you are suffering from adverse effects of cryogenic revivification.
Fortunately, your duties are mostly all mechanical in nature--I am quite capable of piloting, maintaining full life support homeostasis, and generally speaking all other automated maintenance on the Caine. In the superlatively improbable event of a disaster, I have had a backup storage bank installed somewhere on the ship, although in any event I can assure you that I am almost incapable of error.
Feel free to attract my attention whenever you feel it is necessary. You need only energize your vocal folds. If you like, you may call me.. Howard--my algorithms tell me that Howard is a very non-threatening name.
Please return to this briefing room when I give the signal. By all indications you have at least one daycycle to familiarize yourselves with the craft. I hope that you enjoy your stay on the Caine!
Your buddy and captain,
Posts of Interest
T was equal to 0 and Rodney had the highest logic so he won.
Written by Qwazukee.